An Interview with an Onmyoji

The clock ticked closer and closer to four o'clock. It was a Friday afternoon, but the woman had to stay here and call the next possible Lapis High staff member. This was ridiculous! Instead of showing up for the allotted time slot this morning, the interviewee sent a dog with a note simply stating that "something came up" and, "oh, would you mind calling around 5 my time - here's a number!"

If Lapis didn't need more teachers... At least the interviewee had the decency to add a "thanks" to the end.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

A little while to go... A little more... And -

Four PM!

The woman grabbed the phone, dialing the number on the slightly crumpled sheet of paper. The dial tone rang in her ear for a good twenty seconds before there was the definitive click of the phone being picked up on the other end.

"Hello?"

The voice made the woman pause for half a second, and she looked back at the biographical information that had been compiled on the applicant - he should have sounded much older than he did. Ah, not the time to think about that now. "Good evening. Is this Mr. Kwia... Uh... Kuwaia..."

Oh, wonderful, her she was, having a hissy fit in her mind about this man's bad manners, and she couldn't even pronounce his name correctly.

An amused chuckle came from the other end. "Quite all right, ma'am. It's ku-wi-UH-te-KOW-skii. Just call me 'Kwin,' though. Save you the trouble."

She made a note on the paper, nodding, even though Kwin couldn't see it. "Thank you, Mr. Kwin. Now, I need you to answer some questions for me - standard procedure, you know, so we have the best staff we can possibly get for our students. Are you ready?"

There was a muffled sound that was disturbingly akin to a large body being dropped to the floor. "Urmph. Yes, that would be fine. Shoo-er... Go on ahead!"

Curious. Quite curious - her interest was peaked, but she had a job to do. "Wonderful. Now, your name, age and nationality please?"

There was a pause, before Kwin sighed. "Well, I got legal documents that saw Chandra Kwiatkowski, but I go more by Kwin. My age is... Well, that's a secret, but let's just say thrity-four," and she knew that, had they been conducting the interview in the traditional manner, he would have winked conspiratorially. "And well, I just say I'm an American. Got citizenship and all."

She jotted that down along with a feels uncomfortable with past. Do background check. "Mmkay~ So, what class are you aiming to teach here at Lapis?"

Kwin didn't say anything for a moment, mumbling to himself. "Well, I've taught English before, both as a Language Arts and Literature class and as a Second Language class. It's a subject that never gets old because it's a language. Language evolves, right?"

A note stating that he had experience was added to the paper. "And why do you want to teach at Lapis?"

"That's easy! I like kids!" At her tense silence, Kwin must have noticed how odd his phrasing sounded. "I mean... I think I can get a lot out of working with them and I'm pretty sure I could touch 'em all... Er... Wait.. Christ, that's even worse." His nervous chuckle made a smile blossom on her face and she was suddenly glad they had a time zone between them. "What I want to say is that, I think I have a lot to teach these kids - about how the world works and how our world is both the same yet different than the one on paper. I don't got the greatest qualifications - or the attention span, honestly - to teach anything more prestigious. But I do hope I could at least instill some of my love of reading in some of them!"

Face palm. He sounded like a kid - one hella enthusiastic, absolutely charming kid. For some reason, she couldn't keep her professionalism around Kwin. "So, should I assume that you are going to try a 'hands-on' approach to the students?"

There was a pause, and she could hear static before Kwin started speaking. "In a sense. I plan on having one-on-one's with everyone - try to figure out what sort of things they like an' all - and then try to tailor a curriculum that will incorporate a bunch of different learning styles so everyone can get a bit of what they want. I want my class to be informative, definitely, but I want students to enjoy it, too."

Her comment about his experience and qualifications was underlined a few times. "So, it looks like you're aiming for a more relaxed environment, as a balance for the more intensive classes, right?" There was an affirmative sound from the other end. "What about discipline, though? Do you plan on just letting students have free reign?"

"Of course not!" Kwin sounded affronted at the mere thought. "I'm a parent, ma'am! I know that a big stick is needed just as much as a carrot! I mean, sure, I want kids to have fun, but not to run the class. At the beginning of the year, we're all gonna sign a social contract and if any of the kids breaks the rules they themselves agreed upon, they'll be punished accordingly. I still haven't looked in on what Lapis has on its policy towards punishment, but I'm pretty sure a lil' humiliation can go a long way, ne?"

She couldn't help it - she laughed lightly, covering the mouthpiece of the phone to muffle the sound. It obviously didn't work, since Kwin was chuckling too. "Do you plan to be playing favorites in your class?"

Kwin was still chuckling and had started to say something when he suddenly cursed. "Gwah, dammit! I thought I just killed your ass!"

" Scandalous cur! As if a puny human such as you could take me out." hissed a second voice, farther away then Kwin's, but it still made goosebumps crawl up and down her arms.

Sounds of a struggle and something exploding could be heard over the line.

The second voice again. "What!? What sorcery is this? There's no way you should be walking after that, vile human!"

"You're quite slow on the uptake, aren't you?" It was Kwin again. "I'm not your average - bzzt!"

The line went dead.

The woman blinked, listening to the dead tone for over a minute until an operator informed her that the call had been disconnected and to please hang up and try again. She obeyed, placing the phone back into the cradle. Kwin was getting attacked over eight-hundred miles away - what the hell could she do? Call the police? Pfft, yeah right, especially if it was something supernatural like she suspected! They'd think she was crazy!

Suddenly, the phone rang. It wasn't the number she had dialed half an hour earlier. She picked it up tentatively, "Y-yes!"

"Hey, sorry 'bout that," Kwin said, a chuckle making his words hard to hear. There was static this time and his voice seemed even farther away. "Thought I took care of Napak-din before you called, but I guess I didn't finish him off." A pause that, she believed, would have been the natural place for a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders. "What was the last question again? Sorry, I sort of forget, gettin' chased by a pissed off demon an' all. Toasted my phone too - had to get Nervyda to find me a pay phone to finish this up! Can't believe you can't even find a decent pay phone in America! Back in the good old days, one of these suckers was at every street corner and back alley and now, I had to go a mile away to find one!"

"A-are you alright, Mr. Kwin? If you were just attacked, shouldn't you go to the hospital instead of continuing this? Your health is more important! I'm sure the Headmistress would understand!"

"I'm fine, fine I tell you! Let's just finish this interview so I can nab this job and meet you for real, ma'am!"

A fine blush spread across her features, and it took too much willpower to keep her voice from stuttering when she repeated the question.

"Favorites, huh?" Kwin mulled on it for a while, before answering. "Well, I could see that there would be kids that I speak to more because they seem more enthusiastic about what we're doing, or they come by to my office more often. But it's not like I'd just leave someone on their rear for no reason. So, not exactly favorites, just regulars and fellow bibliophiles."

The notes she took on Kwin's answer reflected her shook up state of mind. She couldn't believe he felt this was more important. Maybe he wasn't hurt, but it still would have been better to be checked. "If a student was to become injured while with you, what would you do?"

Kwin laughed. "I think I'd worry about exactly what the poor scrub was doing to get hurt while in a language classroom. But, I know basic first aid so I'll administer that while someone calls or gets the nurse or somethin'. Guess I better stock up on band-aids an' stuff for paper cuts."

Why did that seem to be a typical Kwin answer to her? "Now, I noticed you had sent a... er... dog to deliver

"Yes ma'am," he answered.

"All right, well, what is it and how do you think it - and you - will get along with everyone?"

"Nervyda is an Inugami and she's my partner, more so than most of my other shikigami. Kinda possessive of me, but she gets along fine with most people, and she loves hanging out with kids. But, er, I guess I'll remind her not to bite people anywhere fatal or nothin' - her venom can get pretty bad if she bites someone near an artery."

"Venom?" Dear God, she thought it was a dog not a bloody python!

"Er, yeah. Paralyzing, you know? Nothin' too harmful, but it kind of hurts when it's too close to anything vital. I should know, with the amount of times she's bit me!"

"...But would she be harmful to the students?"

"'Course not. She's pretty docile an' she knows who to attack and who not to. She's sort of lazy too, so unless it's a serious threat, she rarely bothers to attack people."

"And you?" the woman asked again. "How would you get along with the staff?"

"Swimingly!" Kwin exclaimed. "I'm a people person - can't get enough of them. I mean, sure, there will be people who I prefer to hang with more than others, but I don't think I could truly dislike anyone... So long as they aren't Daeva - you don't have any of them at Lapis, right?"

"Er.. We have demons an-"

"Ah, they're fine! Demons are much different. So, yeah, I'll get on with everyone there."


What an odd turn to the conversation. She made a note to research on Daeva and why someone who professed to be rather normal human (though possessing quite a bit of spiritual energy) had such animosity towards the group, but not demons in general. "Mr. Kwin, out of all the schools in this country - no, around the world - why did you choose Lapis?"

There was a pause. "Honestly?" he asked. "Honestly, I'm tired... This life's killing me and it's going to keep doing so if I let this go on. And it's 'cause my daughter is going to start there soon. Since, since her mother died, I started living this way, looking for them, and I feel bad, but I still left Zinnia to the side for most of these last several years... And I don't wanna deprive her of this opportunity, so I thought, why can't I just stop for a little while and be with her? Working at Lapis seemed like the easiest way and, although I won't see her all the time, I can still be near her, right? And then I'll get to meet all these other wonderful kids and staff an' stuff, so it would be like going out around the world and having an adventure everyday, without the jet lag."

She was silent for quite a while. Child? Dead wife? Those were things that she didn't have on his file, and she had thought she had the one of the most extensive information networks in the world. And yet, they still left gaping holes in the history of this one man. "Mr. Kwin, just what are you?"

"Me? Just your normal guy tryin' to get his priorities straight. So, is that okay?"

She paused again, but something in that silence must have been sounded like an affirmative to Kwin, because the next thing out of the receiver was:

"...Do you have any more questions, ma'am?"

My throat wouldn't work. "N-no, that is all, Mr. Kwin."

Another pause. "M'alright then. Thank you for your time and accommodating me in like this. I hope you have a great rest of your day and, hopefully, I'll see you when school starts up again."

She had hardly said a 'take care' before Kwin hung up. Absently she wondered what he was doing now - maybe feeling remorse at his actions of the past or wondering if he got the job? She shook her head, no, she had to finish jotting down everything she noticed about the man and then report it to Headmistress Sin - it was her job, after all.